Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
