Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
