Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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