Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
