ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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