i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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