Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
