he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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