i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
