well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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