Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
