The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
