I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
