i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
