This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
