I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
