i think i have two assholes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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