i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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