is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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