there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
