He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
