I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
