Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
