but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
