Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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