How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
