My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
