So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
