I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
