I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
