I think I won the penis lottery.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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