C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
