benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
