im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
