I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
