it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize