Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
