you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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