great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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