The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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