make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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