He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
