So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
