then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
