shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
