When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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