Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
pray to the hookup gods
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
