I think i peed on brittanys purse
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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