Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
