I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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